This post is clearly for a certain someone to read and not others. So if you fall in the others category, sorry, I advise you not to read and tag concerning this. Sorry and come again the next time I post to read and particularly tag. Hehe.
For confidentiality purposes, I'd refer to the person I'm talking about as _.
Okay, fine, I confess. I never wanted to know _. Okay? I never did. However, the main reason I got round on knowing _ was because of the fact that K, who was once close to me, got closer to Z. I know, what does all that have to do with _? Well, _ was close friends with K and I was once super close to Z. So I got a little jealous. Thus, I decided to get close to _ so that K would get jealous back, but whatever, it didnt work. I know, quite dimwitted. -.-
So that's practically how I got to know _. However, as time progresses, I still treated _ like any other friend even though our friendship that time, well, I would call accidental? Moreover, I didnt regret cos I discovered that _ happened to be a good person who was damn caring and stuff so I kinda told myself that I shouldnt belittle _ just because I kind of wanted to use _ in the beginning. However, thank god I didnt because it'd make me feel so so bad now.
Our friendship some sort of escalated after Speech Day. We were smsing each other like crazy because of idk what? We havent really met before but before Speech Day started, we kind of bumped into each other and I was like, "Oh hi it's you." Hahahaha, damn funny yo wth. After some while, for some weird reason I wanted _ to pei me for a while since my other friends were too busy acting pretty. Hahaha, cheh. _ sat with me and we chatted over stupid random stuff and guess what _ told me? _ thought I was really friendly. Hahaha, really really?! Haha, wth. -.-
We ended up being close friends as a result but we were still not that close because at that moment of time, I was still like super close to Eugene. When that incident happened between Eugene and me, I felt really hurt and refused to accept any others like Terry again, Alios or Swe Lwin. However, I told _ this but _ kept finding a way to annoy me (this is a good thing), get into my head, flood me with assurances and care and I then knew, it's as if _ wanted to replace Eugene man. I was hesitant, if _ was the same now he'd realised this. I really was hesitant because I didnt want to go down the same painful road again. However, I managed to break through and accepted _ so this practically meant that I accepted _.
Ever since that moment, during the Adam Khoo course when I felt knnccbwtfwtf because of the Eugene thing, _ was always there and we got damn close and I did NOT, I repeat did NOT regret. I was actually thankful I had _ then. We were super good and stuff, helping each other with problems and little conflicts.
However, we faced many problems with each other but putting aside all these, because this post isnt created to brood over our past problems. I just want to point out that now, _'s different.
Now, I dont think _ cares about me anymore. _ does not treat me as good as last time. _ takes me for granted even though I'm super loyal. I know, big talk for someone like me but I have evidence and I do not want to pen it down here because it might tarnish the identity of _ even though I guess most of my close friends wouldve known who this _ actually was. _ is neglecting me.
These are all deductions. I have some general proof. _ nowadays doesnt want to webcam with me anymore because _ claims we'd quarrel again for god knows what. Wtf? So I basically bought that webcam for nothing la? Yes, I bought my webcam because of this. So whatever, I can webcam with other people too anyway. _ keeps not wanting to talk on the phone because he claims he's tired, or his mum's around and stuff. I want to save my bill leh okay? And I really do think we can talk about the whole world man through the phone and I dont mean this literally hor. Instead, I'm being symbolic. Heh.
Moreover, _ likes to go against _'s word and I'm that dumb to have always trusted and believed _. Oh! But I still do, regardless yo. Yea, and if I dont, _'d be all, "eh you said you trusted me then you like this". Wa lao eh, whatever I do, everything still goes back to me leh.
And I'm guessing if _ reads this, _'d be bu shuang and du lan again and be all, "wtf I want to end liao to ease your pain". If you were still the _ I once knew, you wouldnt act on impulse and respond in said manner. It'd only make things worse for me.
There's still much to be said, but _, if you're reading this, I think we have a lot to talk about. Preferably on the phone please? Please.
In other words, overall, I miss the OLD you. And after all the injustices I'm facing now (not implying that I'm not also in fault), you know I'm really suffering inside? My heart's decapitating through each passing moment. Faking a smile each time I talk to you because I dont want you to worry because if this happens, you'd treat and talk to me differently again. Always taking the blame even though it literally wasnt my fault, so that problems are avoided. I cry because I keep telling myself maybe I'm not good enough for you, that's why you're treating me like this. I cry, because I always thought you were honest with me, from all the times you told me you cried because of me, you _ me, and stuff, and and, sigh, sometimes I just think that you're faking everything, you know? For god knows what reason.
And people, once again, the purpose of this post is already evident from its contents so I'm discouraging you all from reading and tagging concerning this post. This is my problem, so I dont need your feedback. Thanks. (:
Gah, sorry for the dying English in this post and also, now, I think, umm, this post is rather pointless? I guess. It'd only make things more tense and sigh, I really do NOT want this to happen. _, pleaseeeee, I want the OLD you back.