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 ► / Tuesday, July 07, 2009 @ 11:04 PM
I've been feeling angsty nowadays and I dont like it.
Pending assignments have been pushing me and pushing me
harder and harder to the brink
and I tell you, the way I'm feeling now, it's indescribable.




A gazillion and one exercises to do in my BDC workbook and sketchbook, due 2 weeks from now.
To actually get started on my HTI Journal, which I believe would disintegrate my brain, due August.
Some dumbass linocut assignment which I'm so pissed on deciphering what and how to do, due I dont care.
Making some 3D model of some picture of some illusionist's work and I'm sorry Nurul, I totally dont know how to do it, due this Thursday.
Photos to be taken in countless places that I've handpicked, for the sake of my GC CA2, due August.




Fuck you Elynn my ONOW teacher who still wants to become a rebel and refuse acceptance of our CIP. Now we have to do a whole new 10 hours by this Friday and I swear, We. Dont. Have. The. Frigging. Time.










Oh I wished I was somewhere else
somewhere happy, somewhere serene, somewhere care-free with a lot of trees.
They give me shade and I thank you for that Mr Tree.
Somewhere, anywhere but here.
I need a break, I need to find my sanctuary.
A safe place. Yea, that's it.



I wonder how long more I could restrain my sanity.
Regardless of how many countless beings who told me I didnt have one.
Well, maybe I'd look in Ebay or something
but nevertheless
I think I'm losing it even though I dont show it.
I dont like to show it, I dont like to manifest my emotions.
That's not me.
Because if I were to show it, attention would get diverted to me
and I dont want to have pity.
I dislike attention, and if I were to divert attention to myself then I'm sorry, because I swear, I didnt mean it because attention naturally diverts itself to me at times.
I resent that.



Goodness gracious my mum just called me bebal because I told her about my want of getting a nose bleed for once in my life.



And knowing her, I doubt it's a good thing.





I still have no idea what's bebal but I know it's a Malay word.
And no, I'm not going to look in the dictionary
cos that'd just come to show that I'm questioning my own intelligence
so I rather not risk insulting my ownself.
I guess I'll just live on in doubt, thanks ah.









I'm hungry.