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► / Monday, June 16, 2008 @ 1:17 AM
NEW PORTION ! Guess what ? I think, with Hafiz as Eugene's other bro isnt that bad after all. I've been thinking, and yeah, I've decided that I'm cool with it. As long as Eugene does not neglect me one bit. So all those propaganda below, haha, is just a figment of time now, I hope. So now, its whether I'd accept Eugene back and if Eugene lets me, more importantly. Gosh, and I have dance practise tomorrow. I've got to sleep now sia ! Byebye. ............................................................................................................... So ... I guess Eugene prefers Hafiz from me. He's better than me in his eyes huh ? Shit. GOSH ! guess wad? i made a new friend !-quoted from Hafiz's blog Ha,-quoted by Eugene I lost someone very important to me today. From the way I see it, I lost my bro to Hafiz. Tecnically, I initiated the loss, cos I cant stand the fact that I'm sharing the same bro. For those of you who do not know, I take this gan concept very seriously. To people, it might be just a stupid game people play, but for me, it isnt. I care alot about my bros and apparently, the most for Eugene. Its kind of disgusting when you think about it, but hey, bros ma. We kinda had an argument earlier just now. I still cant believe that I've sent an sms to the wrong person. An sms about how I felt about my loss, Eugene, and guess who did I send it mistakenly to ? Eugene. Omfg siol. Thus, we had a fucking argument. You know, Zeke's still my bro, but almost exactly the same thing which happened between me and Eugene, happened between me and Zeke too. That's why the ignorance and so-called, hatred between us both. It had already been a year plus now that me and Zeke had not talked to each other. That's how drastic it was. And Eugene was like, the closest thing ever to replace Zeke in my heart, for me to treasure and appreciate. Darn it, the closest damn thing. He brought me happiness, similar to Zeke's. I finally felt as if he was the one. The one that I'd cherish till the end of the day I die. But I guess I was wrong. In the end, I told him to choose one, either me or Hafiz. I believed in him, as I've stated in my previous post. Yes, I really did and now, still do even though we're not bros anymore. Even after he told me he wanted both me and Hafiz to be his bro. After what I've seen in both Eugene's and Hafiz's posts, yeah, they're closer than I thought. Hah, cant believe I was foolish enough to not see this coming. Obviously, he prefers him more. During the first few days I met Eugene, we didnt even post positive propoganda about each other. I shouldnt have trusted him at all, knowing that now he had betrayed me, finding himself another guy to call his bro. Another guy to call his own. Another guy to do all those bro stuff he once did with me. Thus, knowing now that both of them would confirm get their ball rolling much better than mine, fine, I gave in. Eugene knows how much he means to me now, including one of the questions I answered in one of my previous quizzes. What would you do if you never met 1?, Eugene-quoted from previous post Now, its as if I never met him. We're not bros anymore what. So, idk how I'd be able to move on in life. Should I find another bro ? If so, should I risk the fact that my new bro would do the same thing Eugene and Zeke had done to me ? Should I ? Should I go through the hurt I've already gone through 2 times in my dull pathetic life ? Idk. The road still seems pretty unclear for me. Because of this, this bro concept doesnt really work as well as before for me already. Now I'm starting to think and question myself. What if my other gans are all the same ? The ones closest to me so-called backstabbed me, what more the less closer ones ? What if this concept had been a failure all this while, and I've just been wasting my time, when I couldve used it for something more worthwhile, like my studies, Crystal. Who knows what else I couldve accomplished. But hey, no way I'd abandon this concept. It made me who I am today. With that in mind, Eugene, I know I've been a lousy ex bro who got jealous over something which I claimed was right above. I tried to get you to choose me over Hafiz, but guess you werent as loyal as I thought you to be. Instead, you chose both, including a guy which you've only known several days. Wow, I'm comparable to someone you've practically just met huh ? Now I know, what I've done, all that I've worked for, was merely useless crap to him. I suck. I know I do. Eugene mustve been toying with me all this while. All I've done to please him, was nothing to him. So maybe now I know why you chose Hafiz over me. Syaifullah, why cant you get in your head ? You're useless, and all I'm left with are my friends. But the ones that matter most to me are my gans and Crystal. I treat my bros and friends differently. That's why the different entities. But, without Eugene as my bro, I'd really have no clue on how to move on. Should I just forget this whole incident ? That's the most rational one to do. But to tell you the truth, I DONT WANT TO ! I CANNOT ! I cannot hide the fact that yes, I need him more than you all think I do. I need him as my bro, and only MY bro. I cannot stand by the fact that hey, Hafiz and Eugene are going to get much closer one and that I'd just be placed as an innocent bystander, seeing myself lose my grip of my bro to Hafiz. I JUST CANNOT. This post is useless. Hafiz, you did this to me. The more I read about what Hafiz thinks about Eugene above, the more sickened I get. Now, without a bro like Eugene, I'm nothing but plain old Syaifullah. There's possibly no way for Eugene to dump Hafiz as his bro, now that I've seen how fond he was to Hafiz. Darn it, I'm 16. I'm Syaifullah, and I'm depressing over such a matter. Curse my darn ego. Stubborn, just like what Eugene told me. Now, all I can do so that I can get Eugene back into my life and Hafiz gone from his, is to wish upon a star, for a miracle to happen. Star light, star bright First star I see tonight Wish I may, wish I might Have the wish I wish tonight ... Star, please grant me my wish, of having Eugene back into my life. Eugene back as my bro. Eugene back as not only my bro, but to him, me being his bro as well. Let him want to come back to me as my bro, let him forget all injustices against me if any. Rid him of all temptations to find another bro, maybe because I aint good enough for him ?; Idk. But from what I do know, rid him of Hafiz. I want things to be like last time. Eugene smsing me frequently, treasuring me, appreciating me, loving me. Let him be loyal to me as his only bro. I know I have my other bros also, but look, Eugene was my last ever bro, and its still going to stay that way. See, I'm not like Eugene to ... you know, get another one or something like that. ... I know, I'm not making sense anymore. This is real life, and not a story from a storybook. Miracles never happen and happily ever afters are not imminent at all, according to the way my life has been rolling; irrational problems w Crystal and now this, Eugene. Shit, I'm being selfish again. Do you think so too ? As long as Hafiz's there, I wont be. And if you care and treasure about me as much as you've claimed, you'd do something about that, wouldnt you ? Ask yourself this Eugene. I'm screwed. |